El infierno en casa

Se acercó tímidamente después de la conferencia. Ansiosa, confundida y desaliñada, se sentó a nuestro lado y comenzó a narrar su triste historia.

“Soy mamá soltera. Dada mi situación económica, tengo dos trabajos. Durante un tiempo dejé a mi pequeña hija de tres años al cuidado de mi papá. Una noche, hace algunos meses, mientras la bañaba, me pidió que la ‘besara con mi lengua’ como lo hacía su abuelo y, con su dedito, señaló sus partes más íntimas. Entré en pánico. No supe qué hacer. El mundo parecía desmoronarse a mi alrededor. No podía creer que tal cosa me estuviera sucediendo. Esa noche no dormí. A la mañana siguiente confronté a mi papá y, como supuse, negó rotundamente lo ocurrido con total caradurez. Él es un hombre áspero con la familia, pero dulce y amoroso con los demás, especialmente con los niños. Frecuenta el culto umbanda y, desde hace tiempo, hay rumores de que habría abusado de varias menores en el barrio. ¡Ahora estoy convencida de que es verdad!

Mi nena hoy tiene cuatro años. No quiere quedarse sola. No desea jugar en el jardín y les pega a todas sus compañeritas. De noche duerme sobresaltada y rechina los dientes. Se ha transformado en una niña sin entusiasmo, ya no sonríe y ha comenzado a orinarse nuevamente. Está bajo tratamiento psicológico. Esta situación me desborda y estoy hastiada de tanta hipocresía de parte de mi padre. Estoy viviendo la peor pesadilla de mi vida…”

 

Principios para la restauración

En el caso planteado en este capítulo se recomendó a la madre de la niña lo siguiente. (Estos consejos pueden ser usados en casos parecidos).

  1. Limitar su exposición. Separar a la nena de la compañía de su abuelo para evitar que se siga repitiendo el abuso, es una sabia decisión. Dios limita su exposición a las personas malvadas, no arrepentidas; lo mismo deberíamos hacer nosotros. La Biblia nos exhorta a alejarnos de las personas destructivas, Mateo 18:15-17; 1ª Corintios 5:9-13. No poner límites adecuados, en el momento oportuno y a la persona apropiada, puede resultar desastroso.
  2. Evitar la proximidad de quienes la han decepcionado. En las familias abusivas, se debe poner distancia física y emocional hasta que el abusador se enfrente a su problema, reciba ayuda especializada y sea nuevamente digno de confianza. Continuar confiando en una persona abusadora, sin notar un verdadero cambio, es una tontería.
  3. Denunciar a su propio padre. Cada uno debería ser responsable por las consecuencias de su comportamiento, Gálatas 6:7-8. No asuma la responsabilidad por la conducta ajena. “Para el descarriado, disciplina severa”, Proverbios 15:10. Usted no ha sido llamada a abortar la ley de la siembra y la cosecha.

En su libro Límites, los Dres. Henry Cloud y John Townsend dicen: “No es suficiente enfrentar a la persona irresponsable. Ésta no sentirá la necesidad de cambiar porque su conducta no le causa ninguna molestia. Una persona irresponsable no siente dolor cuando es confrontada con sus actos, solo las consecuencias son dolorosas. Por regla general, primero tienen que sufrir las consecuencias de sus actos antes de cambiar su comportamiento”.

  1. Perdonar al abusador. Una mamá que sabe que su hija ha sido abusada sexualmente por su propio padre, seguramente guardará rencor, odio y resentimiento. Dejar salir las emociones dañinas y permitir que llegue a su corazón todo lo bueno, es esencial para que pueda ser sanada.

Ahora bien, perdón no es lo mismo que reconciliación. Hay personas que creen que perdón es persistir en la convivencia junto a una persona violenta o abusiva. Creen que si se alejan es porque no la han perdonado. Eso no es verdad.

Necesitamos perdonar siempre, pero no siempre logramos la reconciliación.

Los autores antes mencionados enseñan que el perdón es unilateral. Perdonar es librar a otra persona de la deuda que tiene con nosotros. La deuda está saldada. Ya no nos debe nada. La persona que tiene una deuda conmigo no tiene que pedir perdón. Yo la libero de su deuda.

Perdonar significa cancelar una cuenta. Olvídese de ella. No busque venganza. Rompa la factura. La cuenta está anulada.

Perdonar significa que nunca obtendremos de esa persona lo que nos debe.

Perdonar no significa permitir que el abuso continúe. Perdonar se refiere al pasado. La reconciliación y los límites se refieren al futuro. Los límites protegen su propiedad. Si alguien solo dice que quiere mejorar y lo niega con sus acciones, sin intentar cambiar o buscar ayuda, usted debe mantener sus límites, incluso aunque lo haya perdonado.

Dios perdonó al mundo, pero no todo el mundo está reconciliado con él. Aunque puede haber perdonado a todos, no todas las personas han admitido su pecado y aceptado su perdón. En esto consiste la reconciliación. Basta una persona para perdonar, se precisan dos para la reconciliación.

Perdone, pero proteja su corazón y todo cuanto ama hasta ver un cambio genuino y permanente.

 

Extraído del libro “Inocencia Robada”

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